It Ain't Easy.

It ain't easy this idea of wrapping up our life here in 6 duffle bags. But one of the main lessons I have learned in my life is that, the great stuff is usually learned and attained through struggle. Of course, this may just be my personal path through life.....struggle struggle....reward...struggle struggle reward. The most painful and difficult things have brought me the most personal growth. I think of my Dad's death by brain cancer...watching and incorporating each step closer to his inevitable death....the lessons that taught me about living in the moment, appreciating the important relationships in our lives and weeding out the toxic ones....and that really, this is it...one chance....seize it. I never could have imagined at the time that his death could have had such a profound positive effect on me. Divorce....similar, but really more a test of what I learned from my dad's struggle. I had choices and could implement what I had learned. Only get one chance at this...do I spend it mired in the mess that was my marriage or try to live a life that reflects the fraility of things for my kids. Try, in my own way, to live a life that reflects the lessons I hope will equip them to be productive members of society and live true to themselves. Parenting is so humbling and I just hope and stay in the moment and do my best....but it ain't easy.
Leaving Tanzania ain't easy....I have a constant lump in my throat. I try to avoid all conversations about "when will you be back?" "why do you have to go" both questions I can not answer. Tomorrow we have a goodbye assembly at school....certain kids have asked to say some things about Nell and Pearl....just the idea makes my eyes fill with tears. They have so loved it here....their school experience could not have been better if I scripted it....
Then Wed...the day we fly home, the Tumaini Center kids are throwing us a lunch....oh bring on the kleenex...that is going to be painful. It ain't easy to think the only way our Swahili will be saved is if we use it as our private language as we plan....it ain't easy to say good-bye to all the people who have supported us in so many ways...
It ain't easy.

comin home

I have decided to rip the bandaid off quickly and make our plans to come home. I have been in full denial about the fact that we would be flying back and going to our home and settling back into our lives there. On one hand I/we are ready....sometimes we muse over who we can't wait to see or what we can't wait to eat....or about our beds...or toys. Other days we are just thinking about what/who we will be leaving and giving up to come back to our home. Pearl put it best " I am sad, happy, excited, nervous and surprised" Yep...why can't we be feeling all those things at once....we are...it's new thing....we'll see how it goes. To those of you in Chicago...see you in 10 days.