EASE

We are back and I am trying to put together our life here. Thus far the thing that strikes me is the ease of it all....aisles of food, smooth roads, hot showers, happy freinds and family....but still it is odd. Not a poor person in sight...many huge cars....people with no sense about how the rest of the world lives....just striving for the next better car, TV set, house etc....
Talk is all about the economy....I wanna scream WHATEVER....people have no idea what it means to live with NO money....eating the fruits and vegetables from your own land...
In the three days home....already three references to Africa as a country....embarassing.
I'll write more when less jetlagged and overwhelmed....but damn if my vanilla soy latte wasn't good this morning....

It Ain't Easy.

It ain't easy this idea of wrapping up our life here in 6 duffle bags. But one of the main lessons I have learned in my life is that, the great stuff is usually learned and attained through struggle. Of course, this may just be my personal path through life.....struggle struggle....reward...struggle struggle reward. The most painful and difficult things have brought me the most personal growth. I think of my Dad's death by brain cancer...watching and incorporating each step closer to his inevitable death....the lessons that taught me about living in the moment, appreciating the important relationships in our lives and weeding out the toxic ones....and that really, this is it...one chance....seize it. I never could have imagined at the time that his death could have had such a profound positive effect on me. Divorce....similar, but really more a test of what I learned from my dad's struggle. I had choices and could implement what I had learned. Only get one chance at this...do I spend it mired in the mess that was my marriage or try to live a life that reflects the fraility of things for my kids. Try, in my own way, to live a life that reflects the lessons I hope will equip them to be productive members of society and live true to themselves. Parenting is so humbling and I just hope and stay in the moment and do my best....but it ain't easy.
Leaving Tanzania ain't easy....I have a constant lump in my throat. I try to avoid all conversations about "when will you be back?" "why do you have to go" both questions I can not answer. Tomorrow we have a goodbye assembly at school....certain kids have asked to say some things about Nell and Pearl....just the idea makes my eyes fill with tears. They have so loved it here....their school experience could not have been better if I scripted it....
Then Wed...the day we fly home, the Tumaini Center kids are throwing us a lunch....oh bring on the kleenex...that is going to be painful. It ain't easy to think the only way our Swahili will be saved is if we use it as our private language as we plan....it ain't easy to say good-bye to all the people who have supported us in so many ways...
It ain't easy.

comin home

I have decided to rip the bandaid off quickly and make our plans to come home. I have been in full denial about the fact that we would be flying back and going to our home and settling back into our lives there. On one hand I/we are ready....sometimes we muse over who we can't wait to see or what we can't wait to eat....or about our beds...or toys. Other days we are just thinking about what/who we will be leaving and giving up to come back to our home. Pearl put it best " I am sad, happy, excited, nervous and surprised" Yep...why can't we be feeling all those things at once....we are...it's new thing....we'll see how it goes. To those of you in Chicago...see you in 10 days.

Mt Meru and More

So...it's been a while....always a good sign if you are wondering about my state of mind. If I write often it can be deduced that I am brooding over things that are probably pointless and will change soon enough anyway....instead...I have been climbing mountains again. I climbed Mt. Meru about a week ago with two 'mama's" from the kids school. I already loved and admired these women but there is nothing like hiking for 14 consecutive hours and clinging to rocks in the dark to solidify a friendship. Meru is steeeeeeep and technical and somewhat scary in the most exhilarating kind of way. I LOVED it....but to anyone who cares or who has climbed Kili it is harder. Kili has great altitude and one usually feels drunk or sick as a result....but Meru has huge rock cliffs, with dizzying drop offs....when the sun comes up and you are headed down...the realization of what you did (in the dark) hits hard. Nericia, my friend, choose to tell us that this was her first experience hiking...while we were in the dark....oh and that she was afraid of heights...needless to say she summited...asking me to take her picture at the summit with Kili looming in the background. When the sun decided to rise during our ascent it came up directly behind Kili...we had to sit...and take it in. ONCE AGAIN I was reminded how freaking beautiful this country is....and how I will be forever changed by having a year of mountain climbing, running on dirt roads, hiking with my kids to waterfalls, seeing monkeys in the trees....ahhh....the list goes on and on. It was glorious.

Then...however...this morning...the reality of where we are on the otherhand sunk in again...as is life here. After droppingthe girls off at school and strapping on my running shoes...I encountered many people on the road near a car. when I got close I saw a woman lying in a pool of blood. She had been hit by a speeding Daladala (local bs/mini van). I don't know if I have mentioned the crazy reckless speed of these vehicles before...byt they have caused me to cringe oh so many times. Seems this woman ( older mama) had been simply walking down the road....and bam...so strange to watch people's reactions....the Tanzanians have a way of just reacting, but not showing any emotion in comparison to my friend elaine and her husband who were trying to load the woman into their car. Elaine was horrified beyond belief ( understandably) and was crying and shaking...strangely no one else was....their calm and acceptance of horrible events struck me. So many struggles for the people of this culture...hard to even react to others pain. Must get these bananas to market so my family has food tonight...must get these jugs of oil back to the shamba(farm), must get this huge bundle of sticks to my home before it rains again and the firewood is wet.

WHEREBAYLESSBE>BLOGSPOT>COM

I messed up last post....not wherebebayless....but wherebaylessbe.blogspot.com

Bayless

wherebebayless.blogspot.com Check out our mother's Day story!!! Just got down from Meru...hurting....more later.

Number 80

Yes folks even though I have been slacking big time (explanation following) this is indeed the 80th blog of Sasafrica. I am proud of myself...because when my ghost writer (Josh) gets a hold of it for the book, he already has at least 80 pages to work from. (Does gooogle own a publishing house somewhere?)
So...the excuse....same one I usually have for most things....having too much fun, in the moment, lost track of time, "I was at the library". Life has been great...I went through a bit of a down turn at the end of March, but am now happy to say back to fully loving it. I wonder if this is the normal progression for life abroad...now that the end is in sight, I really really really don't want to come home...all looks new again. Everything that I love about this place is working her magic on me. This week alone, for example, Nell goes hiking in the rainforest tomorrow as the culmination of her unit on rainforests....Pearl attended and completed an entire yoga class on a platform over a river with monkeys swinging overhead....and I leave to climb Mt. Meru on monday. Another reason for not wanting to leave is the simple fact that I finally
"get it" .....it takes a long time and a lot of patience to understand and get comfortable in a new culture....we finally have a handle on the language, I've learned the customs of doing business here and we have made some deep and dear friends. It's hard to look at what we have done and figure out how to leave it....hoping most of the things will continue on?! Will Mappy complete his education? Where will Millin go to university? Will Tropical Ice really send all their mountain trips to us as we are working on? Will the porter training kids continue on in their tourism studies? Will we be back to have tea at Nericia's tea garden? etc. etc.....it goes on and on...
Then comes the thoughts about what the heck I'll do at home? Set up an office to continue this work? It won't possibly match the office here with the batik curtians and Shawna's art work. But...I will have consistent power, a printer (UG), internet, reliable phone connections etc...hmmmm.
Lots to deal with...but for now we are really enjoying and taking every chance to soak up this beautiful place and people.
Love and Peace,
Sarah